Getting Over It: Simple and Science Backed Ways to Deal With Rejection, Loss, and Psychological Pain

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In , the Surgeon General of the U.

How to Get Over Someone

Countless studies have demonstrated that even mild rejections lead people to take out their aggression on innocent bystanders. School shootings, violence against women, and fired workers going "postal" are other examples of the strong link between rejection and aggression.

However, much of that aggression elicited by rejection is also turned inward…. Rejections send us on a mission to seek and destroy our self-esteem. Most romantic rejections are a matter of poor fit and a lack of chemistry, incompatible lifestyles, wanting different things at different times, or other such issues of mutual dynamics. Blaming ourselves and attacking our self-worth only deepens the emotional pain we feel and makes it harder for us to recover emotionally.

Take The Hit: Getting Over Your Fear of Rejection

But before you rush to blame yourself for Rejection temporarily lowers our IQ. Being asked to recall a recent rejection experience and relive the experience was enough to cause people to score significantly lower on subsequent IQ tests, tests of short-term memory , and tests of decision making.


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Indeed, when we are reeling from a painful rejection, thinking clearly is just not that easy. This explains why…. Rejection does not respond to reason.

Participants were put through an experiment in which they were rejected by strangers. The experiment was rigged—the "strangers" were confederates of the researchers. Surprisingly, though, even being told that the "strangers" who had "rejected" them did not actually reject them did little to ease the emotional pain participants felt. Even being told that the strangers belonged to a group they despised such as the KKK did little to soothe people's hurt feelings. Still, the news is not all bad, because…. There are ways to treat the psychological wounds rejection inflicts.

It is possible to treat the emotional pain rejection elicits and to prevent the psychological, emotional, cognitive, and relationship fallouts that occur in its aftermath. To do so effectively we must address each of our psychological wounds i. Watch my TED Talk here. Follow me on Twitter GuyWinch. Great information, I also would like to add that a good therapist will help teach you to learn how to master rejection. Thanks for publishing this article. It reaffirmed the treatment I've sought for myself and continue to practice almost two years after a very horrible rejection in my life.

I find that when I "reject" extroverts -- they take it personally to their EGO and take avenge on you. For example, if I refuse their invitation to hang out TWICE in a row -- they drop you like a hot potato, rather than accepting your answer that you have to think about it or you're not up to it that time I'm not really a nightlife person; I prefer daytime activities So this girl started making remarks to staff, like during a Christmas dinner, that I was looking down on her, saying my race looks down on her race I was thinking WTF???

This girl felt rejected that I didn't identify as Vietamese, her race! She was accusing me of denying my nationality. I don't know how that can be, when my parents are Chinese I can't this sort of high-schoolish behavior. There's also extroverts who simply can't accept NO like, I stopped letting this co-worker bum off car rides from me once I figured out that she specifically changed her work-shift schedule to coincide with mine! I felt she was taking advantage of me and nipped it in the butt.

Another time, this extroverted room-mate thought I had something for her boyfriend -- because we had deep discussions -- she got jealous, and I think she vandalized my pots and pans. They had all these crazy scratches and some were dented! She also used my kitchen knife, she knew it was mine -- and took it out into the garden for weeding and digging!

She did it right in front of me!

Why it’s so hard to get over your ex, according to a relationship psychologist

So NO-Thank you if that's the trade-off! You might want to re write this as to the specific person you are talking about and not paint all extroverts as racist and stupid. Please get an education in psychology because you obviously don't understand what an extrovert is. I think you are right, may be this anonymous person doesn't understand how to differentiate between extrovert and overly sensitive people. Being extrovert does not mean you have to vent on other people easily for small matters. If you are extrovert, you should even ask direct questions like " why you don't want to come to my invitation?

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I feel sorry for you, but that is nothing to do with either introvert or extrovert. There are a lot of good and bad extrovert as well as a lot of good and bad introvert. If you ask an introvert "why you don't want to come to my invitation? They will view that as an intrusion, an attack, and withdraw even further from you. Bear in mind it has nothing to do with you personally.

They simply cannot relate to other human beings. I'm an extrovert and I really don't waste my time trying to relate to introverts. I only reach out to other extroverts.

How to Get Over Rejection: 20+ Ways to Cope and Stay Strong

It's nothing personal. It's just that I find happiness being with other extroverts, and I simply don't have the time or the desire to wait for introverts to return kindness or love, and I realize they would rather be left alone with their introversion. And to try to relate to them is perceived by them not as an act of love, but as a mean and hateful thing to do. So I just blow them off. Not worth the time and effort. Wet blankets. Party poopers. Well you sound like a regular prized rainbow trout. I doubt you know many, if any, introverts and where introversion even stems from.

This article should have ended with practical points on how to manage the rejection. It ended prematurely and is of no help to the reader.

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There is a link at the bottom of the article to join my mailing list and get a free article titled: How to Recover from Rejection--which is all about what you can do about it.. Sorry, that came off awfully negative on my part. Thanks for being the bigger man and sharing.

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Look forward to reading more. I was researching rejection to help my son cope with a recent break-up and I came across this article. I found it very interesting but I am curious about the theory that our ancestors who felt the sting of rejection more acutely were the ones to survive. I would think it would be the exact opposite.

The ones who recognized they were in the wrong and quickly adapted their behavior in order to fit in with the needs of the group, I would think, would be the more likely to survive. Just a thought! Ive never in my entire life been part of a tribe. Very sad. Cant day I have ever met or heard about anybody else in my situation. The profession hands it out like candy because of the marketing push behind it. Hospitals are the same.

It's a dangerous drug and it damages the liver. Take it once a year at most, and never take it if you can avoid it. It is sinful that doctors and hospitals tout Tylenol. But it creates return customers because of the problems it causes.